Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
