i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am naked and annoyed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
