I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
