I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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