i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
