The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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