all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
