i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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