If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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