matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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