I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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