ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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