My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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