Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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