which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
