Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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