have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
