At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
