im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The air was thick with penises
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
