do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
