in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
