One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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