it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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