Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The struggles of a small town man whore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
