I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
