My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
