how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
