i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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