Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
