only you would photoshop your dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
