it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Damn victory sex feels great
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
