Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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