the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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