Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
