Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My liver just broke up with me...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
