Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
