hell yes lets make some ravioli
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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