I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
