So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
