Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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