Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
