please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
