She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
