i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
