Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
