No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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