My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
