Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
