I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
