So drunk its hurt
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
