And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
