my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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