i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
