good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
