I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
