She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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