i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's on the porch naked. Help.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
