what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
