how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
