god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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