Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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