So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
